Wednesday, June 22, 2005

More progress

I'm officially past 3 stone now. I was so so close last week, within less than quarter of a pound. Then I slipped, ate, drank and bloated my way to three pounds heavier than I had been. But I'm back down now, and past the latest milestone. Although to be honest, I try to make every pound into a milestone of some sort. That way every pound is important to me, and every pound is something to celebrate. So in the next 3 pounds I have milestones for getting to 15 and a half stone, for losing 20kg and for losing 45lb. All worthy of celebration, and all edging me closer to the next big milestone. There are a few biggies coming up. Getting under 15 stone, losing 50lb, getting under 200lb, and making it out of obesity into the realms of merely being overweight.

But that one, more than the others seems so arbitrary. I'm not going to argue that with a BMI of over 38 when I started this I wasn't obese. Of course I was, and heading towards being grossly so at a shocking rate. But now, at a BMI of under 32 I feel less obese than I ever have done in my life. I'm chunky still, but in a more shapely, well distributed way. I have a belly, but it's now proportionately as flabby as everywhere else, not horribly huge. I can run 10k for heavens sake. All these are things that say to me that I'm overweight, not obese now. I know that denial is how I got to 118kg/260lb in the first place, but I honestly do feel like I'm past obesity and that it's behind me. I just want the scales to agree with me! The other thing I want is the body fat monitor I've ordered to arrive so I can see just how much of that is fat and how much is muscle, so I can start arguing that my muscles have swayed the calculation and I'm far leaner than my BMI suggests!

And speaking of denial and getting to 118kg/260lb, that above anything is the reason I weigh daily. It's not because I obsess about how much I'm losing, but because I know that not weighing myself for well over 5 years helped me to not realise the amount of weight I was putting on and the damage that was doing to my body. I have accountability now, and I want to keep it. To know that if I weigh regularly I will be able to stop myself doing that amount of damage again. I don't plan for it to be a daily occurrence once I'm nearer goal, but I'd far rather be a scale addict than a scale avoider. I've been there, and I know that I'll just buy bigger clothes and ignore the problem until it's too late.

I'm also getting addicted to the tape measure. I really can see the shrinkage, and it constantly amazes me. I also enjoy going to online shops, not for clothes but to check out sizing charts to compare with my measurements. It seems I'm almost a perfect size 18, and the only way from here is down. And off she goes on another tangent, having mentioned the word shop. I shop so differently now. I try so many more things on and reject them. Before I'd try one thing on, and buy it if it fit. That's what happens when you only have about 2 shops to choose from and are simply trying to find the least sack like thing they have. I hated shopping and trying stuff on, the sight of all that flesh in the mirror really was horrible and something to be avoided if at all possible. Now there's just so much choice I can look and look for days trying to find something that's just right. I can try things on because I like to look in the mirror while I'm doing it to see if I can identify any areas of shrinkage. And I can measure my progress down the sizes without having to buy stuff, just by going back in a few weeks to try it on again! I dread to think what will happen if I get even smaller!


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