Friday, July 08, 2005

Today's discoveries

I was thinking again earlier today about how much my body is thanking me for what I'm doing. Small things that I'd never really connected with my weight before.

I may have mentioned before how I badly broke my ankle a couple of years ago and had to have it pinned and plated. One thing I noticed at the time was the fact that all the people I spoke to who had done something similar were also similarly heavy. And I was chatting to someone at the gym about having bones pinned (such exciting conversations we have) and she mentioned someone else who had done something similar, adding "she was really heavy at the time". I don't know whether there is an established, medical corrolation, maybe it's just the people I know, but it never seems to be the skinny minnies I know who are hobbling round in plaster (other than sporting injuries, but not just from falling over).

That extra stress I was putting on my joints can't have helped their stability. And I don't think it's necessarily that my bones were weaker (although they may have been), but I've noticed that since I started losing weight my balance and poise has become far better. I used to go over on my ankles all the time. Having one reinforced with metal kind of helped me on that side, but I'd still do it on the other side on a regular basis. And quite often I'd go crashing to the floor, as the scars that remain on my legs testify (not to mention the grazes that healed). And what I also pondered today is that when I trip (as, bizarrely, I did just as I was pondering this, on a raised paving stone), I don't fall. I stumble, and I regain my balance. There is no floor-arse contact any more. I don't know whether this is connected to my weight loss, or whether it's just me finally working out how to walk properly, but whatever it is, I'm most grateful.

I sit here, moving my fingers. As I do so, I can see the bones/tendons on the back of my hand moving (I don't know what they actually are, but you can definitely see them really clearly). I shake my wrist around to watch my watch (which has a solid, fixed size wristband) sliding up and down my arm. I tie my hair back because I'm having a bad hair day and the sight of the fatness of my face doesn't appall me. I look in the mirror and I see definite signs of emerging hotness. Other people probably can't see it as much, but as I have my previous selves to compare to, next to those bodies I'm a goddess. Only if I wear the right clothes and look at myself from the right angle, obviously, but at least there now is a right angle and a right outfit.

I don't feel embarrassed walking into the library and checking out a running book. I go to buy new trainers and I actually think about what they'd be like to run in, not solely what they look like.

Back to the gym to start the 10k preparations today, having finally and irrevocably signed up for it last night. After yesterday's events and spending the evening watching the news, I felt exhausted this morning and only got to the gym relatively late. Just something gentle, I told myself, as I'm also still recovering a bit from Wednesday. So I jogged fairly slowly (although this "slow jog" was at a speed I considered to be going flat out just a couple of months ago), and to my surprise covered 6k. And then I only stopped because I had to get a shower and get to work (having only started working out quite late) rather than because I was exhausted. The muscle in my leg that had been a bit stiff actually loosened up as I jogged and has since felt much better. So maybe a decent 10k time within 10 weeks isn't impossible. If I look back to what I could do 10 weeks ago, I've improved fast, and there's certainly room for more improvement yet. Maybe that dream of a sub-60 minute 10k is as achievable a sub-30 minute 5k turned out to be, even though that looked nigh on impossible when I was lining up on Wednesday night. I know I will get round, even if I have to walk a little of it, but I want to be able to run it properly and not be the fat girl at the back. I'm currently looking into training plans and working out how best to approach this. Ideally I want to do some more running outside as well as some treadmill runs to keep me in touch with how far I'm going and how much I'm improving.

Except of course, I don't plan to be as fat by them. My brand spanking new challenge now has a ticker, and aims to see me below 200lb by the end of August. And by that stage my BMI would be under 30, and I wouldn't be obese. Running 10k for charity in a non-obese body. That's certainly something I never saw myself doing at the start of the year! Let's just hope I can manage it.

1 Comments:

Blogger Portuguese Washwoman said...

You know what? Your blog inspires me. So many things you've talked about lately have seemed to mirror the process I'm going through, so after reading you posts I feel as if I've expressed myself - only without the trouble of typing it all out. ;)

What you said about your joints and your newfound poise in particular appealed to me. Lately I've been dealing with a lot of folks who have said things like "oh, running will just kill your poor knees" and yet no one mentioned that weighing 80 pounds more than I should would do the same thing. I've had a bum knee for years primarily because I carried so much extra weight around on it. It amuses and confuses me in the same way it does when people berate me for not eating white flour (because it's "bad for you not to have carbs") whilst shoveling in cake. In the end all I can do - like you - is pay attention to the exciting things that are happening in my fitness level and in the mirror.

Anyway, sorry to ramble, I just wanted to let you know how I enjoy what you write. :)

4:32 PM  

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