Monday, August 29, 2005


It's a funny thing, confidence. You can't make it come, and you can't make it stay when it doesn't want to. But when it's in your life you're on top of the world.

I've been eating, drinking, not exercising all weekend. But I'm not feeling bad. I'm feeling alive, I know that I can get back down to things after the long weekend is over, and I'm not going to dwell on that.

But what I am going to dwell on, for as long as I can, is how fantastic I've been feeling all weekend. I've been away, meeting up with old friends, drinking, shopping, partying and generally having a good time. People tell me how fantastic I look, and I believe them. I feel great in my new clothes, strong, sexy, stylish. For the first time in years I get random men coming up to me in bars. Of course, nothing happens, and I'm sure they try it on with every single-ish woman who walks in, but its still a great confidence boost.

And I'm buying clothes I'd never have dreamed of wearing before. Not because they wouldn't have fit (although I'm sure they wouldn't), but colours, and styles I'd never have dreamed of wearing. Clothes that aren't black, or grey. A green floaty skirt. I've never worn green in my life, but I look great in it. Clothes that show off my curves, that flatter my waist, that show off some cleavage and collar bones. Clothes that show off what I've got rather than hiding what I'd rather not own up to.

If ever I need a reminder of why I'm doing this, I need to read this, and remember that it's not about numbers on a scale any more, it's about being who I deserve to be, and having a body that I feel comfortable and confident in. I never quite realised what a difference this would all make, but I'm glad that I came this ar and realised that I never want to go back and lose what I've got now.


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