Saturday, August 06, 2005

Half a small person

Another day, another weigh in. And I'm now down 4 stone from my heaviest (or at least 4 stone from what I assume was my heaviest, the day I was weighed the day after I joined the gym. If I was heavier before that, I didn't know it, and I didn't do anything deliberate to lose weight!).

There are people out there who are 8 stone. I know some of them. (There are undoubtedly people out there who are less than that, but I'm talking about relatively healthy people here). And I've lost half of what they weigh. That's pretty amazing stuff.

When it gets to this stage it's hard to get a handle on the magnitude of your achievement sometimes. You wear the clothes that you'd have previously looked at in horror and not even dare pick off the rail. You know you are fitter and healthier, and that you've done something amazing for yourself.

But it's still hard to visualise quite that much fat. 56lb. 25.5kg. I have very little imagination when it comes to visualising something that weighs the same amount as that, and when I look down at my body, it's hard to imagine it wrapping round my stomach and my thighs, even though I know it must have done. It really is overwhelming.

I'm glad I didn't think too much about this when I first started. If I'd sat down, worked it out and realised that I'd have to lose 4 stone to be "nearly not obese" I'd have just sat and cried. Until I used a BMI calculator online after a while of going to the gym, I didn't even think of myself as obese. Obese was something that other people were, people who were half a stone or so heavier than me. When I saw that my BMI was over 38 I knew that there was no way to argue around it.

Now at 30.1 or something like that I'm not so bothered by technically still being obese, I know that I'm fitter and thinner than most people with my BMI, and I know I'll be in the 20s soon enough. I feel a bit more justified in thinking of myself as not obese. But the fact is, I am. And once I get down into those 20s I can't let myself keep thinking "well, I felt OK at that weight". I have to tell myself there are no excuses, I'm not letting myself come back here if I can help it.

What surprises me in a way is how easy I've found it in the end. Not mentally, I'm having to come to terms with a lot of things about how I've behaved in the past and what I've done to my body. But physically, I like exercise, and I like what I eat. I've not had to count calories or get obsessive about my diet, and I've been able to have "treats" (a nicer word than "slip-ups"...) fairly regularly without sabotaging my loss.

But still, 4 stone. That's a lot, and I'm feeling a bit blown away at the moment.


Blogger transformation girl said...

Yay! Congratualtions! :)

12:30 AM  
Blogger chaos said...

Found my way here through Mich. It sounds like you are making some great changes. I appreciate your honesty in your posts. I read through your archives, and it sounds like you are really pushing yourself on some tough questions. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

3:21 AM  

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