Sunday, October 16, 2005

Fat friends

I was over in Manchester yesterday, meeting up with a load of old rugby friends, some of whom I haven't seen since about April. We all post on a message board, out there in internet land, and I meet some of them fairly regularly, but the big, everyone turning up, meetups are much rarer. So it was nice.

I do find it funny, when people tell me I look "well". I'm not denying that I do look well, but I know exactly what they're trying to say. Do they really think I'll object if they come right out and say it? "Where did your arse go?" That's what they mean. Come on guys, I won't be offended.

Although I know damn well where my arse went, it seems. I swear I was one of the thinnest people there, and as I've been shrinking, my arse seems to have transferred to the arses of some of my mates, and taken up residence there. I couldn't believe the fact that I can be one of the thinnest people in a group, and that this is really me. And I thought about my other friends, and

There is always only one question in my mind when I see fat people now. "Was I ever as fat as her?" But also, why are all my friends fat? I would half think that it was a self esteem thing, that I wanted to be around people who made me seem more normal, so that I wouldn't stand out, but that theory doesn't work. I met all these people online, through words before I met them and saw what they looked like.

I know I've already hidden away online where people can't see me, and maybe I'm not the only one. But I don't think it's just that. I looked round the rest of the crowd at the game. I seem to notice fat far more than I every did. And maybe the lifestyle encourages it. Meeting up with the sort of people who watch rather than play sport, who meet in pubs for an afternoon, who grab a pie or a burger at the game. Who talk about things on the internet rather than doing them. Maybe it gets to us all in the end. I have some fantastic friends and I'm not planning to give them up just because I have this new healthy lifestyle, but I need to find a way to avoid falling back into the same traps that got me before.


Blogger Emma said...

Love the blog! Nice to see a fellow English lady, and a fellow northerner.

4:23 PM  
Blogger B said...

I notice fat way more than I ever did too! Why is that, I wonder? Often times, when I see a particularly large lady (300+ lbs. like I used to be)I have this urge to go up to her and tell her there is a way to be free of her prison. Of course, I would never actually do such a thing, know how I would have reacted had someone done the same to me, but I just want to help her because I know it can be done now.

Anyway, I can relate about realizing that you're the smallest one in the group now, mind boggling isn't it? Think they're about ready to give you your arse back now?!!


9:06 PM  
Blogger Eh... Not so much said...

My losing weight actually was the beginning of the end of my relationship with one of my fat friends. I had started Weight Watchers in May 2000, and was sending out emails to friends at every milestone. "Hey, I lost 10 lbs, 15 lbs, I made my 10%" and so on. NOT to be snotty, but I had spent a lot of time whinging and complaining to friends, so I wanted to share the good news for a change. This one friend never replied back. I didn't see her until early Sept, when I had lost 30+ lbs. She had actually gained weight and was bigger than I'd ever seen her! She barely spoke to me that whole day!

Another time we went for a walk & she asked me about WW, so we were better then, but the friendship has petered out over the years. It doesn't help that I had two boyfriends in the past 3 1/2 years and she didn't; she was quite passive-aggressively jealous. *sigh*

Great work on your 75 lb loss!

2:12 PM  

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