Monday, October 24, 2005

Free chocolate has no calories

It's a well known fact, and absolutely true, honest. Which is why I was gutted about my treatment at the hands of the chocolate gods this afternoon. Due to iron willpower and the motivation that comes with size 14 bikinis and neoprene, I hadn't eaten chocolate since last Sunday. But I was feeling tired and in need of a short sharp energy boost this afternoon and decided, with a completely clear conscience, that chocolate would fix it. So I went to the chocolate machine, and chocolate did indeed fix it. Who needs Jimmy Saville?

But the chocolate gods were obviously in a bad mood with me. So what do they do other than transport a huge amount of free chocolate and plonk it on a desk just outside my office. There must be at least a kilogram of the stuff there, I kid you not. And apparently it's very nice.

This poses a dilemma. Free chocolate is usually acceptable to me. This is on the basis that it doesn't arrive too often and can therefore be rightly termed a "treat". Which is what chocolate should be. Free chocolate isn't an every day snack, and for this reason above all others, it has no calories. Well, not many. Let's be honest, a single mini galaxy out of a tub of celebrations or two maltesers isn't going to cause lard to stick to me in huge quantities, and by the time everyone has had their share (and with a little self restraint) you don't eat much of it anyway. Hence the no calorie theory.

Obviously it helps that I don't count calories. If I did I may be obliged to add something, but I don't, so I won't.

So, there's the calorie free chocolate, but I've just eaten a bar of galaxy. A big one, not the mini ones in Celebrations, obviously. Well, not big as in the 200g Friday night bars, but big as in full, normal size. Of course the old me wouldn't have had these scruples and would have headed straight for the free stuff as a kind of chocolatey second helping. But the new me analyses a bit more.

Why do I want the chocolate? Because it's there. Do I have a need for chocolate? No, not really, I've just filled that particular gap in my life. The chocolate-ometer is showing full, having recently been topped up to acceptable levels. I'm not hungry at all, let alone for chocolate. Is this chocolate the nicest chocolate on earth? I don't know, but the chances are it isn't. It might be I suppose, and to find out I'd have to try it…

Stop. Right. There.

I know this trap. It's the not wanting to miss out on something trap. I've seen it at work before, and I've beaten it before.

And I've beaten it again. I didn't need chocolate, so I din't eat chocolate. It eems such a simple concept, but surprisingly hard to deal with sometimes. I'm getting there, bit by bit. I'm slowly winning more and more battles, and I'm in control.


Someone at work (in fact the source of the chocolate) told me today not to lose to much so I don't look gaunt and too skinny! Personally I think I'm waaaay off that point at the moment, but it's nice to be thought of as being able to get to that point, even if it's still fairly unlikely.

I'm still trying to work out what I'm really aiming at here. First I aimed for 40kg, but decided to revise the target a little to 100lb. But both of those were really picked because they were nice round numbers than because I wanted to be that number above all others. Realistically if I stopped now, I'd be relatively happy, but I don't think that I'm ready to stop losing yet.

And I still don't know when I will be. Will I know when I see it, will I get to a weight and know that's where to stop? Will my body just decide for me, and stop losing? Whatever, I'm fairly sure I won't end up as a skinny lollipop head, but I'm kind of intrigued as to what body I'm going to end up with.

I can see a shape emerging, but I still don't know what the final outcome's going to be. It's funny that I've come so far without knowing what I'm aiming for, really, but one day maybe I'll work it out.


Blogger Dawnyal said...

I think there is something that gets emitted from free chocolate that just screams "eat me, eat me." That is so awesome that you were able to turn away from it. Bravo.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Beckie said...

Oh I have a few extra theorys for you....

- Free chocolate has no calories...

- Donating your change in the McDonalds donation tin cancels out all guilt associated with the quarter pounder you're about to consume.

Damn, Im sure I had a few more.

4:56 AM  
Blogger K said...

I'd like to think I'd be able to do that. But I know I wouldn't. That was seriously strong-minded.

I don't have a target, either, although I vaguely have 140 pounds in my head. No idea whether I can get there, though. Maybe when you're focusing on fitness (as you evidently are) then the numbers aren't so important?

9:16 AM  
Blogger B said...

If you're anything like me, you want it because it's there and it's free, regardless of how satisfied your choco-meter may presently be. Good for you for resisting, I'm not so sure I could have done the same.

Pay no attention to other's warnings of losing too much weight. It seems an automatic response when people realize that the once fat chic is now the healthy chic, and they need to get their own butts in gear. You just do what ever is best for you, 'cause that's what this is all about anyway.


12:41 PM  

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