Friday, November 11, 2005

Dark mornings

If I could get money for every time anyone told me how hard this whole thing is at this time of year, I'd be rich. It's funny, for a while I felt all smug with the "I'm not struggling" mindset. I'm so entrenched into gym going and doing this that it's harder to stop than it is to carry on. But still, I understand.

This year it may look like I'm all fine and dandy on the surface. (But judging by the number of times I have to go back and correct my typing, maybe not sober). But I realised that I was in exactly that dark place this time last year. I've started to really get a measure on how far I've come, and on what it takes to get fully committed to doing this.

I've probably told the story before many times, but never mind. Last July I joined the gym. Last September I stopped going, and I didn't start again until January. Every time I drag myself out of bed on a cold, dark, wet, November morning, I realise that this time last year I didn't do that, I didn't keep up wih the goals I'd set myself, and I fell by the wayside with this whole weight loss thing.

It really is so hard to force yourself to do stuff during the winter. It's cold, it's wet, and it's dark. All you want to do is to hide under a duvet with some chocolate and a good book. But somehow this year the depression has passed. Not that I necessarily enjoy making myself get up, but it's so ingrained that I just do it, day after day.

If there's anything that I can say to make the whole thing better for anyone who's been struggling, it's simply that. This is a long term war, not just something you need to fight this month. As time goes by, you'll get there. Next November you could be sitting here in a nice new body, keeping going regardless.

It's amazing how a person can change in a year, but please, I promise you, it is possible.


Blogger Jon said...

I've enjoyed reading a number of your posts. You put a lot of thought, self reflection and emotion into each one. You're on quite a journey, both inside and out. Congratulations on your perserverance and all your success. There'll be plenty more to come.

2:53 AM  

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