Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Under an hour

I've been walking around with an insane smile on my face this afternoon. The chip times from the race came through, and I did it! I beat my 1 hour target. After the minor disappointment of seeing 62 minutes on the clock as I came up to the finished (outweighed by knowing I'd run all the way, but still 2 minutes more than I was hoping), today I found out just how slow the start was.

59 minutes and 17 seconds! Woo hoo! That's within about 30 seconds of my best 10k time ever, and below 60 minutes, which was a big big goal. I'm so proud of myself!

I think in the end only about 3200 people ran, not the 4500 the paperwork said, and I finished at about position 2651. But there were still lots of people behind me, and that's not the real reason I do this.

I don't do this to race against other people and to beat their times. (Well, unless Emma had run, in which case I'd have been trying to beat her and win that bet...) It's about proving things to myself. Proving that I'm fit, and I'm healthy, and that I can run for an hour.

The nature of the route meant that after about 3k there was ample opportunity to turn round, join the runners going the other way and cut minutes off my time. Oh, I might have been spotted by other runners or the race marshalls, but what would they have done, really? And it wasn't that thought that stopped me doing it. It was the thought that I'd know I'd cheated. I'd never know if I could have run it all under an hour. Sure, my time would be under an hour, but it would be a lie.

I didn't finish the race in 40 minutes, or 50. But I wasn't running for that. I was running to prove to myself that I could run. I am the only person who that goal needs to matter to. It doesn't matter that I'm on page 65 of 81 (better than page 66, however), it matters that my name's on there at all. It matters that I've got myself to a place where I can even contemplate lacing up my trainers on a Sunday morning and challenging myself physically. This time last year running for 59 seconds would have been an achievement, let alone running for 59 minutes. 59 minutes was under my goal, for me, and I met it. Other people can have goals, and I will have mine.

Much as I like receiving comments on here, and reading other people's blogs, the only person I'm accountable to in all of this is me. I'm doing this for me, and I'm doing it by my rules. There's no-one there who I expect to stop me falling other than myself. That's the way I like it, and I wouldn't dream of doing it any other way. The thing that gives me most pleasure isn't the compliments from other people, it's reading back and confronting my thoughts from four, five, six months ago, and realising how far I've come and how hard I've worked for me.

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It looks like YP will be going to the party on Friday after all the stressing the other week. I bought a dress yesterday, and got inspired to go to the party for the simple reason that it makes me look thin. Is that completely shallow of me?

So today the preparations started escalating. I bought magic knickers to try to get rid of the remaining bulge. I've never worn any before on the basis that magic can only get you so far, and no-one yet sells major plastic surgery pants. Sure, they can flatten a couple of pounds worth of bulge, but they can't make 80lb vanish. I'm sure the person who invented pants that could do that would be the richest person in the world very quickly!

I've bought make up. I'm working out what to do with my hair. I'm planning transport that will get me home in time to get up at (eek) 4.45 on Saturday morning to get ready to go up to Edinburgh on Saturday.

I'm actually looking forward to it. Simply because I'm going to look thinner and hotter than I ever have before. Of course, I hope there will be other christmases, but I don't think that anything will beat the first time I walk into a room wearing something flattering, and blow their socks off.

3 Comments:

Blogger Kykaree said...

I am so proud of you. You looked so strong and confident on the run, and you just take everything in your stride. You really deserved to beat an hour, and I am sure in your next 10k you'll beat the 55 minute mark.

You'll knock em dead at your party!!!! bring on the thin chick in the amazing dress!!!!

10:26 PM  
Blogger Shauna said...

woohoo, it's great to have it offical that you're speedy!

i always enjoy reading your posts so much, i know you blog for yourself but i always get a lot out of reading your stuff, because it reminds me how much it's all down to hard work and consistency.

hope you have a good time in our fair city :) bring a warm coat, heheh!

10:08 AM  
Blogger K said...

You are speedy! I'm so jealous... in an entirely benevolent way.

Can I join with DG in appreciating your entries? You've got that focus which I totally do not, and it does give me encouragement to keep on with everything.

Have fun in Edinburgh - what are you doing up here? (I live there too.)

12:44 PM  

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