Monday, January 02, 2006

Reality check

So after the feeling of "wow, look what I've achieved" and the celebratory drinking over New Year, it's back down to earth with a bump. Life isn't, and can never be, all fireworks and parties, or not my life anyway. Not that it was exactly fireworks and parties over New Year either, more sitting in front of the fire in comfy slippers with a nice bottle of red wine, but even that isn't sustainable as a sensible way of life.

No, it's back to business, and some cold hard facts.

Being thin does not make you happy or popular. Beig thin doesn't mean that you don't get lonely or bored or fed up sometimes. Being thin doesn't mean that you don't want to eat chocolate or drink wine. Being thin doesn't mean that you're suddenly filled with enthusiasm for a New Year's Day run. Being thin doesn't automatically mean that you'll stay that way unless you try.

And the big one. It's no good making new years resolutions unless you actually do something about keeping them.

So yesterday, well, I sat in front of the tv, on the sofa, I drank wine and I did no exercise. Great start, huh. There was no excuse. I wasn't hungover, I wasn't tired. It wasn't raining or particularly cold. No, I was just lazy and wallowing in lonely self pity because I didn't have anything exciting or sociable to do. Oh, look at me in my teeny tiny Gap jeans and my little Zara top, I can sit here and I can indulge myself to make myself feel loved.

No, I can't. Not every day. It doesn't work like that. It works the same as it worked last year. It works with exercise, and sensible eating, and moderation. Moderation does not mean starting drinking at lunchtime and continuing solidly til 11pm. Of course, one day might not do that much damage, but one day turns into two, turns into three, turns into four and before you know it you've forgotten that this is just a treat, and it becomes standard. I've already been off the leash since mid December, and this weekend was meant to get me back on track. Good plan, not such a great reality.

Today, then was going to be different. I got up, and I had stomach ache. Great start. But today was no excuses day, so it was on with the running stuff. This is the point where I realised that I hadn't actually run in the park for months, with dark evenings and mornings and busy weekends. It's been the treadmill and the treadmill only for far too long. I got out of the house. And it wasn't too bad. The feeling that I had a bag of stones in my stomach eased after a while, until it came back with a vengeance after about 45 minutes. Still, 7.5k isn't too shabby, and I walked that up to nearer 9 with my get home cooldown walk.

I've still spent the rest of the day in much the same fashion as yesterday, but with one big difference. No snacking, and no drinking. So, much better. And the thing is, it's not been any effort really, it just needs a bit more thought to remind myself that I need to do this today, not just intend to do it tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to getting back into a routine (other than the fact that the routine involves the 6.28am bus to town and going into work) and trying to bust the rest of this lard. Although December hasn't been bad, it was worse than I planned it to be, and it's time to get back into gear and remember that the hard work isn't over and never will be.


Blogger chaos said...

Hey, we all have days like this. I'm with you that the hard work is never over. But, like you said, sometimes this hard work doesn't really take much effort. It's this dichotomy that still gets me. It's not hard. It's not hard to exercise and not eat all day in self pity. But yet sometimes not doing so defys all possibility. Nice work, then, on getting out there for a run!

3:20 PM  
Blogger Bev said...

Your blog has meant so much to me this year. I am full of admiration for the way you have taken control of your weight and also how beautifully articulate you have been about the experience.

3:46 PM  
Blogger Kery said...

Hear, hear. Sometimes we really need to get that out and acknowledge that the treats can (will?) become a habit, and that this isn't the way to do. I can't give lessons, I've been out of control since, gah, November, and it's awfully hard to not fall asleep on my achievements, to not convince myself that "now I can eat treats more often". This still tends to happen regularly, and it always, always means weight gain. Stupid lard, why does it have to be so annoying and so prone to coming back! *lol*

As for the new year resolutions... I haven't taken any, and above all, I haven't dumped "weight loss" in them. Considering it this way would make it appear, IMHO, like it's okay to stop by February or March, like 99% of the people do with these resolutions. It's not a "resolution", it has to BE a way of living, else it's going to feel like some kind of death sentence for the rest of our existences. And who can hold good and not gain weight again with such a mindset! :)

4:19 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

I have really enjoyed reading your blog. For a young lady, you have a lot of wisdom!

7:47 PM  

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