Thursday, January 12, 2006


I wish I could stop obsessing about three pounds and a slice of cheesecake. Three measly pounds, all that stands between me and normality. They'll come off at their own speed, and I should just let them do that, but I keep on thinking about them. Eighty nine pounds gone, and I obsess over three, as though they're far more important than anything that's gone before. I tell myself not to do it, that it's not going to make too much difference. But what wouldn't I give for those three pounds to pack their bags and leave, right now.

I'm planning what I'm going to do when they've said their goodbyes. One thing that's making me think is the slice of cheesecake. I keep on hearing that it's a bad idea to have food rewards, but I'm not so sure, I think it depends how they are used. I'd certainly agree that "when my BMI is normal I'm going to eat all the chocolate I want" isn't a good idea. But that's not my thinking. My thinking is more "that cheesecake looks good, but, while it's not banned as such, I should only eat it occasionally as a treat. I want to wait until a special occasion before eating a slice, as they'll still be selling it when I want to eat it, rather than having to gorge on it now. So why don't I wait and celebrate a normal BMI with it". I know that it's still rewarding myself with food, but it seems to work fundamentally differently. For me, it's accepting that at some point I will eat the cheesecake, but planning in advance what sort of occasion would justify me doing that to stop me eating it every day just because it's available. So if it takes me til the end of the month to lose the weight, I won't eat the cheesecake til the end of the month, and after that I won't have an excuse to eat it again until, who knows when? Because it's a food to eat on special occasions, and if getting to a normal BMI isn't a special occasion, I don't know what will be.

I have other rewards planned. I'm going to have a back massage. (It's free with a voucher at the gym, but again I want to save it and use it to treat myself when I feel like I've earned the treat). I'm going to buy a new suit (which I need to do anyway), but once more I'm going to save it and badge it as a treat. Not least because that way there's more chance that I'll wait til pay day before splashing out. And more chance that I'll definitely fit in a size 12 (although the size 12 suit I tried on in Next at lunchtime seemed to fit pretty much OK already, far better than the 12s I tried on in other shops over the weekend). I also need some new underwear as the stuff I have at the moment is just deeply unflattering, and I think that at 27 I deserve to have owned at least one nice set of matching underwear in my life.

But I'm going to get those three pounds out of the way first, as I really don't want to obsess about them for too long. (Mind you, then there will be another eight to worry about).

This morning's run went well again. On the schedule was 4 miles with a few 30 second bursts of speed, I decided to go for 40 minutes again to get just a bit over 4 miles rather than concentrating on the precise distance. Today I covered 4.25 miles (6.85k), so slightly more than on Tuesday when I ran without the bursts (of which there were four), so I'm quite pleased with that. I'm astounded that not only am I following a half marathon training plan, but I'm finding it, if not easy, within my capabilities. OK, so it gets harder, but I suppose the point is that if you can do week 4 (which I'm doing at the moment) it's a gradual progression up to week 10 and it's designed to get you there.

With every run I'm getting more and more convinced that I will go to the running shop on Saturday, as my poor feet aren't particularly enjoying the increase in distance and intensity in the trainers I already have. They are running shoes, but they don't like my feet that much, so they must go. Oh, and I'm looking forward to running outside at the weekend too, it's really starting to dawn on me how much easier it is to tick the miles off outside compared to on the treadmill. Dull is the only word for it. Music only goes so far in relieving the boredom, and doesn't stop your eyes constantly clock watching unfortunately.

I was stiffer than usual afterwards though, despite some decent stretches after the run. I don't know whether it's because of the extra mileage I've been doing this week or whether it's because of the yoga last night, but I can definitely feel it today. At least it shows I've been working hard I suppose! I'm still trying to decide between a weights session and a swim for tomorrow morning, it definitely won't be a run, I know that much. Fingers crossed that the legs feel like running again by Saturday.

Back to Spanish too today. It's a good job I didn't have a new years resolution that said "don't get pissed before Spanish". Ah well, it was only two glasses of wine. Shame they were so big...


Post a Comment

<< Home