Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Demons

All day they've been circling. I'm not hungry, but I have a compulsion to eat. Stupid, stupid thing to do. But I keep justifying it to myself.

My inner wannabe fat girl has been having a ball today, telling me that I'm too thin and that I need to put weight back on. Quite frankly, that thought scares me. I know that every person has a point at which they become too thin, and I know that I'm a lot closer to it than I used to be. But am I there? Really, honestly?

I don't know.

But what I do know is that I shouldn't be using it as an excuse to eat when I'm not hungry. I shouldn't be using it to find excuses to eat when I don't even want to. I shouldn't be using it as a reason to raid the vending machine simply because it's there.

Why am I suddenly sabotaging myself like this. I'm not saying that I'm desperately trying to lose at the moment, but I am trying to rid myself of crappy eating habits like snacking when I don't need to, and the voices in my head at the moment aren't helping. And I'm certainly not intending to start gaining any time soon.

I must snap out of it. Hopefully it's just a TOM issue and nothing more, but I need to get a handle on this.

5 Comments:

Blogger Amanda said...

Hi Gym Bunny, I am a really big fan of your blog but I have never posted before. I think you have done an amazing job getting to where you are today. I congratulate you! :) I know what you mean about sabbotaging yourself, I have done that before too, and the weird thing is you know you are doing it to yourself, but you just can't seem to stop it at the time. I hope the demons dissappear as fast as they appeared. All the best!

Greetings from Holland,

Amanda Jane :)

11:18 PM  
Blogger K said...

I hope it's just TOM as well. Sounds as though it might be.

2:07 PM  
Blogger Xena said...

Ditto - just sending some support to you - slay those demons!

2:41 PM  
Blogger JessiferSeabs said...

Maybe until your head catches up with your body, you should jsut focus on maintenance. Or is that what you're doing? I'm not caught up enough on your blog to know where you are still in weight loss mode or not.

hugs to you. I know allllll about the self-sabotage!

3:57 PM  
Blogger Goal125 said...

Just keep doing what you are doing - you are incredible and an inspiration to many! Hey - do you think we could see some updated photos? You said a while back that the one posted is from a year ago - we'd love to see the NEW YOU!!

6:54 PM  

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