Saturday, November 04, 2006

Bonfire toffee and toffee apples

Yesterday as I left work I started wishing that I could just go to Spain next Saturday and not come back. Jack it all in over here, and just do what I should have done 4 years ago.

I think my mother thought I wasn't that interested in going over, because I refused to commit myself to a date for so long. It wasn't that I didn't want to go, though, it was that I didn't want to get my hopes up about any particular week and then have it dashed by something kicking off at work. I didn't want to get too excited about it until I could guarantee I'd be able to take the holiday.

But since I booked the flights on Thursday, I've just wanted to be there now. Not next week, but now. And I've wanted to not have to come back. The problem is that I couldn't just go over there and live in a dive with a bar job to keep me going. I guess I've got used to a certain standard of living, and lifestyle, and I couldn't go back to earning a bit of beer money and nothing more. Even in the sunshine with my family around me. But my Spanish isn't good enough to get a better paid job, so I'm kind of stuck in no-mans land. I want to move out there, but I want to find a way to make a living out there first.

Or alternatively, win Euro-Millions. So I bought a ticket on the way home from work. Not one measly number. Gah.

But then, a burst of patriotism. Bonfire night, the Roundhay Park fireworks and GB beating the Aussies in Sydney in the rugby will do that for a girl. I love bonfire night. I don't get halloween at all, but give me bonfires and fireworks any day. Or once a year, at least, after a while the constant banging gets a bit too much, but the big display in the park is fantastic. I was surprised at how much of a range of people there were there, families, people on their way out into town, little chavs, the whole range. Traffic jams to get near to the place, and just a nice atmosphere. I like that it's an English thing too, one of those little celebrations that other people just don't quite get, it makes it feel a bit more special in a way, like I belong, and this is my home because I get it.

Anyway, going down to the bonfire set off certain cravings that I was powerless to resist. Well, one craving really - bonfire toffee. I tried to deal with it by eating a toffee apple (well, at least it was a portion of fruit) but that just didn't do the trick, so I bought myself a bag. I'm pleased to say that I only ate a tiny bit of it last night and I've still got some left now, and I'm happy to be at a stage where I can be a bit more relaxed about my eating and know that it's not going to set me off on the road to regain. On the other hand, I've just been on a message board where people are talking about eating parkin, which has set off a whole new set of cravings. It's probably a good job I've changed into my pyjamas and don't intend to go out again tonight to anywhere I might find some!

1 Comments:

Blogger howie said...

That toffee sounds really good. This is Howie from 3fc. You really have done an amazing job with your weight loss. I can't believe the amount you are running. Good for you. I tried running across the street the other day and my knee about gave out. LOL I'll stick to walking. I added you to my blog list. You are a great inspiration for people.

2:31 PM  

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