Tuesday, January 29, 2008


It seems to be coming back. I had a really good day at work today (leading a negotiation all by myself, against the head of legal at a household name company - and coming out of it quite well), and I had a fab interval run this morning. I even got a smile from the new Runners World, when I saw tips from "one of the UK's top ultra runners", and realised that I've beaten her in two 5ks since Christmas. OK, so the ultra runner part of that probably indicates that 5k isn't her best distance, but I'll still feel a little smug about it for a day or two. And, finally, the back to basics approach to eating seems to be paying off, I was (finally) down a couple of pounds this morning. I just need remember not to start eating to celebrate...

But I still have moments where something makes me have a quick moment of remembering. My meeting was in Warrington, where we used to go a lot with my grandparents when I was little. And every time we went, they used to tell me that it was the first place I ever saw snow. Who do I have to tell me that now?

And then watching Blackpool Medics. It's not the sort of thing that I normally watch, but I had my reasons. We saw the film crews around the hospital a fair amount while she was being treated. And I'd heard that they were with the ambulance crew that came out when she had her first real dementia type episode while I was in New York. They refused to take her to A and E because it was a Saturday night, bonfire night, and the last night of the illuminations, and they said that A and E was possibly the worst place for her to be in the state she was in. And lo and behold, they showed footage of the other jobs the ambulance crew went out on that night (and the voiceover said pretty much the same thing, that it could be a busy night with drunkeness and injury). Even though we knew they wouldn't show her as they didn't actually film it, it was still odd to see the same crew, wondering whether that was just before, or just after.

The programme did wind me up though. It was all cheery, look at how the hospital is helping these people. All the positive, happy stories, the ones where things turn out in the end. That's not the whole picture, and the hospital isn't just this nice place where people get made better. Sometimes that just doesn't happen.


Blogger Brenda said...

Enjoy Warrington each time you go because you have that memory of them telling you that.

Slowly it will get easier, you will start to smile more when you think of her rather than be sad.

6:22 PM  

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