Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Another fitting ending

Over the last year I've been contacted by a few people through Facebook so I know that people are occasionally still happening across my musings and experiences and getting something from them.

So that has led me to come back to post a quick update on where I am. Because I have News.

First the not so predictable stuff. I'm currently training to make good use of my Good for Age place at London. I've also got a couple of other marathons (ok, 3 other marathons) and an ultra on the cards this year, with possibly an extra marathon in Autumn. My running has been a bit up and down over the last year, and I've had a couple of injuries, but I'm still sticking at it, and there are still things I want to achieve.

My weight is up from my lowest but manageable. I'm comfortable with it and I'd rather give myself a few treats and gain a few pounds than spend my life depriving myself. And I keep it in check. Mainly.

But the News is that I seem to have broken out of a rather too long spell of singleness and found myself a bloke. It's still early days (we've been seeing each other properly for about a month, but have known each other for and been flirting outrageously since last August), but what's important isn't so much who he is and whether it will last, but what it's taught me about my relationship with my body.

To get straight to the point, I'm far more comfortable with nakedness and the physical side of things than I ever thought I'd be. One of my big problems in the past was that I didn't want anyone to see my body. And even when I lost weight I worried about saggy skin, and my head took a while to catch my body up.

After a few fumbling experiences in my early 20s (and I mean very fumbling and furtive) I embarked on pretty much 10 years without even so much as a kiss. While I didn't like myself I didn't expect anyone else to either.

But this time my thought process was more "well, why wouldn't he like me. After all I'm pretty fantastic". That shocked me.

What also shocked me was my willingness to shamelessly use him for his (sub 3 marathon) body. After waiting for so long part of me wanted it to be for someone special and permanent. Saving myself for The One as it were. But without completely writing him off now (because he's actually lovely and every time I learn something new about him it's something I like), I'm quite comfortable with the idea that I will learn all I can from him to get myself back on the wagon, and if it doesn't work out move on with more confidence than I've ever had.

The only problem is that *ahem* cross training can distract me from an early morning run...